Sunday, June 16, 2013

On the move

I have lived in 28 different places in my life so far. That's pretty amazing and/or ridiculous, considering on how you choose to look at it! That's basically an average of 1 place/year (I think...math has never been my strong suit).
11 of those places were out of my control, as you generally have to move with your parents when you're a child. Which means, in the last 12 years I've lived in 18 places. WTF?
I always talk and think about how much I hate change. What I'm starting to realize though, is that I am CONSTANTLY putting myself through it. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment.
I'm look at place #29 for my life right now. After the recent break-up, my apartment doesn't really feel like "home". I believe your surroundings have a lot to do with your mental health. Also, I'd like to feel safe heading to the grocery store without running into the ex. My apartment is currently in his "turf", and I'd rather just get the heck out of it for my own sake.
I'm feeling relatively OK at the moment. Break-ups are never easy, but the last 6 months were so up and down with us that it really did feel like a bit of a relief. The hardest part is feeling like so much of it was out of my control. If you know me, you know that I like to do things my own way - and this was not something I wanted - so the first bit was a rough go... I'm thankfully smart enough to realize that it's for the best though.
I don't know that I'll ever really understand how a person can change so much from who you thought they were, though. Can anyone really understand that?
I'm in a bit of a self-reflective time right now (aren't we all?), as you probably can guess from the amount of times I've used "I" in this post. So far I've avoided anything drastic - no crazy haircuts or purchases of notes, no decisions to relocate my life thus far (outside of the area code anyways) - so I'd really have to say I'm dealing rather well at the moment. I'm not sure how much of my dealing well has to do with the little pill I'm taking everyday right now, but if it keeps me from being a blubbering mess in my day to day life, It's all good, right? It's actually a really low dose, so I think it's mostly a case of believing it's helping, so it does.

What I'd really like to see myself do is move from a place where my thoughts and actions are "I want...", "I wish...", "I hope..." to saying "I do", "I am", "I will" (I do in the non-wedding sense).
I'd really love to see that happen in regards to this blog, but I'm feeling pretty doubtful about a lot of the things on my list, since my financial situation is so pathetic. I will (ha ha) do what I can though, to make as much of them a reality as I can.

~ Until next time...

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