Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Abandoning Ship

Just a quick little post - since I should definitely be getting ready for work instead of blogging!
I think I'm going to have to abandon ship on the 101 things in 1001 days goal - or change it to 101 things in 2002 days ;)
On the bright side, I am feeling like that will give me a little more freedom on here for writing topics. Stay tuned...

A few other quick thoughts:
- I'm living above ground right now and it's amazing!
- Remember when I used to have summers off? I miss that - although getting paid during the summer is quite lovely
- I'm in the process of signing up for a writing course (!!) - cross your fingers that I can adjust my work schedule slightly to make it work...

Until next time...

Sunday, June 16, 2013

On the move

I have lived in 28 different places in my life so far. That's pretty amazing and/or ridiculous, considering on how you choose to look at it! That's basically an average of 1 place/year (I think...math has never been my strong suit).
11 of those places were out of my control, as you generally have to move with your parents when you're a child. Which means, in the last 12 years I've lived in 18 places. WTF?
I always talk and think about how much I hate change. What I'm starting to realize though, is that I am CONSTANTLY putting myself through it. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment.
I'm look at place #29 for my life right now. After the recent break-up, my apartment doesn't really feel like "home". I believe your surroundings have a lot to do with your mental health. Also, I'd like to feel safe heading to the grocery store without running into the ex. My apartment is currently in his "turf", and I'd rather just get the heck out of it for my own sake.
I'm feeling relatively OK at the moment. Break-ups are never easy, but the last 6 months were so up and down with us that it really did feel like a bit of a relief. The hardest part is feeling like so much of it was out of my control. If you know me, you know that I like to do things my own way - and this was not something I wanted - so the first bit was a rough go... I'm thankfully smart enough to realize that it's for the best though.
I don't know that I'll ever really understand how a person can change so much from who you thought they were, though. Can anyone really understand that?
I'm in a bit of a self-reflective time right now (aren't we all?), as you probably can guess from the amount of times I've used "I" in this post. So far I've avoided anything drastic - no crazy haircuts or purchases of notes, no decisions to relocate my life thus far (outside of the area code anyways) - so I'd really have to say I'm dealing rather well at the moment. I'm not sure how much of my dealing well has to do with the little pill I'm taking everyday right now, but if it keeps me from being a blubbering mess in my day to day life, It's all good, right? It's actually a really low dose, so I think it's mostly a case of believing it's helping, so it does.

What I'd really like to see myself do is move from a place where my thoughts and actions are "I want...", "I wish...", "I hope..." to saying "I do", "I am", "I will" (I do in the non-wedding sense).
I'd really love to see that happen in regards to this blog, but I'm feeling pretty doubtful about a lot of the things on my list, since my financial situation is so pathetic. I will (ha ha) do what I can though, to make as much of them a reality as I can.

~ Until next time...

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Props to Carrot Top

Got your attention? Good ;)
Read on to see how Carrot Top has given me a little light at the end of a dark tunnel...
So...when I decided on Thing 99 being "Fall in love", I didn't think I'd end up broken-hearted before the 1001 days was out.
I have a hard time letting go; on the flip side, a close friend says I have a great strength to fight & hold on. It really depends on the situation. I need to work on it when it comes to men.
I could wax poetic here about why things didn't work out with him, how they should have, yada yada yada, but I like how this blog, when I'm actually writing for it, is mostly positive. So I'm going to try and keep it that way.
The silver lining of this situation is that it's given me time to focus on my job, where I have been doing really well, and my friends - I have really awesome friends - thank god. Special shout-outs to Janey Canuck & her EDP for helping make a hard week go by with ease (& wine)...
As for Carrot Top, well...
My subconscious clearly thought I needed something to focus on (re: obsess over) over right now, and last weekend, after some crushing news, I experienced the most erotic dream of my life. Starring me & the King of Prop Comedy. Whom I really haven't thought about since my school girls days of watching Regis & Kathie Lee way back when. Whom I can' t stop thinking about now.
The dream was that good.
So clearly, when not moping over love lost, I've spent that last few days googling Carrot Top, watching youtube videos of him & planning a trip to Vegas (and how to finance it). Cause clearly, that's what anyone else in this situation would do...right?

Until next time...
keep dreaming ;)

Sunday, July 08, 2012

The One Where You Hear the Shooting Star Story...

I'm a week into my summer "vacation", and so far have been able to cross 2 things off from my list. One, Thing 17, was from a few weeks ago - our school's end of year class trip was to Medieval Times. I'm not sure I had the most enjoyable experience going there with the school, as I spent most of the time walking students back and forth from the bathroom, but it was fun to experience, and I think will be a great place to visit with family in the future. Thing Done!
The next thing I accomplished was a complete fluke. I actually had gone back and forth changing this thing, Thing 57 on my list several times, from See a Shooting Star, to spend an evening star-gazing, to see a constellation other than the big dipper, lol! But on Friday night, after one of the more perfect days in my memory, I finally saw a shooting star!!
This story is one for the books IMO...
I've been going up north with JR every few weeks since we started going out. In the last 2 months, he's made it his mission to help me see a shooting star, since I haven't ever seen one before!
Unfortunately, the time when he decides to look up at the sky to find one is when I'm using the Outhouse before bed, and he's holding the door up, having his last cigarette of the night and facing away from me...lol! (It is very dark, especially now that the outdoor hydro has all been taken down - no way am I risking a night-time encounter with a live animal by myself ;))
So, for maybe 2 or 3 nights we've done this, I'll be finishing my business and he'll go "Holy shit! A shooting star! Did you see that?!" And I, of course, will say "No!!" So the last few times we've been up north, he's been given strict orders to stare straight ahead, and nowhere near the sky - it's only fair, right?
Well, Friday night he looked up. And so did I, mostly because he said "I'm finding you a shooting star!" And I said (or shrieked) something along the lines of "DON'T LOOK WITH OUT ME!!" And then it happened, right in front of both of our viewpoints, a shooting star flew through the sky, lighting a path as it went, and disappeared as quickly as it came. AND WE BOTH SAW IT!!! :D
It was the perfect ending to a perfect day!
So - as for the rest of my list - I'm hoping to complete my out-of-province road trip this summer - hoping to camp my way to New Jersey where I'll eat at the Soul Kitchen and hopefully touch Jon Bon Jovi ;) That would knock 3 things off my list, so cross your fingers folks ;)
I'm also hoping to go zorbing or treetop trekking for my A-Z List if funds permit, and hopefully squeeze in a waterfall walk or two!
The next few weeks will be busy with my move (yup, apparently I move every year!)*, but I'm hoping to keep progressing on my List, because the summer is the best time to get things done! Oh yeah, I even wrote a page of my novel. At this rate it might have the chance to be published in the year 2052, but it's something ;) I also changed Thing 48** to Only drink water and morning coffee for 4 days. I feel this is akin to drinking 8 glasses of water a day, without feeling like I am going to drown myself again.
Think that's all for now!
Until next time...

* Looking for moving helpers and volunteers, and painters too :) If interested, msg me - dates are July 15-19 - food and alcohol provided - Have I mentioned how much I love you? And how thin and beautiful you have been looking lately? ;)
** For the life of me, I can't remember my Things numbers...I apologize deeply with any mix-ups and incorrect cross-referencing - numbers ain't never been my thang ;)

Sunday, June 10, 2012

You Learn Something New Everyday...

And sometimes you learn a few things!
The past couple of day have had some eye-opening realizations for me...
Well, to be perfectly honest, I think if you're trying to, you probably could have eye-opening realizations everyday. This seems to be a time of introspection for me though, and here are a few of the things I've learned or am pondering:

1. This is a bit of a silly realization, but when Venus was in Transit earlier this week, and I was listening to all of the radio announcers talk about how you shouldn't look directly at the sun, you need special glasses, etc. I realized that the reason you shouldn't look at the sun is that, well, you just shouldn't EVER look at the sun! When I was in grade 6, or thereabouts, there was a big solar eclipse when we were at school, and the teacher struck the fear of god in me about looking at the sun during the eclipse. So, naturally, I just thought there was something different about the sun during the eclipse that made it so you couldn't look at the sun. Turns out, you just shouldn't look at the sun, and the only reason they warn people not to during eclipse is because they are curious enough to try!

2. Lately I've realized that I tend to be greatly affected by the thoughts and sayings of other people (or horoscopes as I wrote about earlier this week). I kept trying to come up with a word for this quality, and yesterday, as I explained this to someone they said "Oh, so you're very impressionable!" And I though, that's it! I'm not sure if this is a quality that I've always had, or developed over time, but there you have it - impressionable! I don't really like this realization, because I've always thought I was a pretty contrary person - you say it's blue, I say green - but maybe I am both? I know that over the past 4 or 5 years I've developed a lot of insecurities and lost some confidence, and I just hope that this impressionable thing hasn't shown up to stay.

3. In terms of friendship, I've realized that there are "Planners" and there are "Acceptors". This came to me while discussing with Janey Canuck about how ridiculous it is that we hadn't seen each other for over 3 months, and some of our other friends even longer! Then I realized that I have been so busy over the past school year with 3 different grades, with a boyfriend, with a super small bachelor apartment that doesn't lend itself to hosting, etc. that I haven't been planning anything! I'm a "Planner" you see. Nobody else is. :-P It can be frustrating, because when you don't see your friends very often you think, gosh, do I have even any? Especially when you are dating someone who has hundreds of them (pros & cons of living where you grew up!), and you are always stuck for finding friends to go out with yourself! I realize I made a big decision moving to Hamilton a few years ago, and maybe I haven't made a huge circle of friends here, but I have made some, and the reality is that as you get older you make friends who have families and can't drop everything at the drop of a hat, like us unmarried, childless ladies can! So I guess if I want things to pick up, I need to put my planning hat back on!! ;)

4. In terms of relationships, I've realized that I have some complicated trust issues (which I knew), but hadn't realized what a long process healing them takes... As I was talking with my intuitive friend who labelled my "impressionability", we discussed trust issues in relationships, and she gave me a great analogy for it. It's all about going from control to commitment. When a relationship starts, it's a power struggle for who has control, who controls that control, and you wade your way through those murky waters as you get to know each other. At some point though, you lessen your hold on that control, and your relationship develops into a commitment. (I'm so glad I had this conversation! CandassP, thank Bev for me!!) Anyways, I know that I am still in the control stage in my relationship, but I think we are approaching the commitment area, which means a lot of give and take right now, and dealing with my trust issues. It isn't pleasant, and it hurts because you need to let go in order to trust, but I am determined to figure them out because I know that what I've found is worth it :)

I'm really looking forward to the summer ahead, and getting into some of my 101 things a little more actively! I am hoping to complete my "Wear dresses every day for a week" very soon. It will definitely include skirts as well if it happens while the school year is still on, because I don't think I own 7 "work" dresses, although I am getting close!
Still plucking away at my 50 Book Pledge, and getting the occasional colouring page in too ;)
Until next time~

Monday, June 04, 2012


Book #24 in my 50 Book Pledge sucked. Seriously sucked. I could write better than that, and I should!
Also - 2 posts down in June so far... well, 3 now...
I'm on a roll!

No Horoscope Zone

So, at some point during January I started to realize how much I was letting my horoscope dictate my life. It sounds pretty ridiculous, but whenever I was reading my Astrology Zone monthly horoscope, I would start to get stressed out any time it referred to relationship trouble, bad days to travel on, Mercury in retrograde, career troubles... you name it, I stressed about it.
Stress comes pretty naturally for me... but when you start to fear upcoming dates because your horoscope said to watch out, it gets a little ridiculous.
Oh, did I mention that on top of the huge monthly horoscope, I was reading FIVE different daily horoscopes?!?!
So I quietly went on a detox. No horoscopes, at any time.
Of course, sometimes I slipped - like for my year ahead horoscope on my birthday. It must have been memorable, seeing as I can't remember it at all. Maybe I didn't read it after all...I could be stronger than I think!
One month, maybe March, I browsed through Astrology Zone, but stopped when I started getting anxious. This month, after Susan Miller tweeted that June was a good month for Aquarians, I took a deep breath and read it all. So far, so good.
Still no daily horoscopes though.. I am way to susceptible to suggestions from other people...
I'm not sure how long I'll be detoxing myself. Maybe until I feel a little more confident in the anxiety department.
It feels strange not reading my horoscope, but there are already so many things to consider and weigh and worry about in life, sometimes you have to take control over what you actually have the ability to take control of!
Yes, I'm an Aquarius with Gemini Rising, and I believe full moons make everyone (especially kids) a little unhinged, and eclipses like to throw dodgeballs at you when you aren't looking, but so do a lot of things in life...
Do you read your horoscope everyday?