And sometimes you learn a few things!
The past couple of day have had some eye-opening realizations for me...
Well, to be perfectly honest, I think if you're trying to, you probably could have eye-opening realizations everyday. This seems to be a time of introspection for me though, and here are a few of the things I've learned or am pondering:
1. This is a bit of a silly realization, but when Venus was in Transit earlier this week, and I was listening to all of the radio announcers talk about how you shouldn't look directly at the sun, you need special glasses, etc. I realized that the reason you shouldn't look at the sun is that, well, you just shouldn't EVER look at the sun! When I was in grade 6, or thereabouts, there was a big solar eclipse when we were at school, and the teacher struck the fear of god in me about looking at the sun during the eclipse. So, naturally, I just thought there was something different about the sun during the eclipse that made it so you couldn't look at the sun. Turns out, you just shouldn't look at the sun, and the only reason they warn people not to during eclipse is because they are curious enough to try!
2. Lately I've realized that I tend to be greatly affected by the thoughts and sayings of other people (or horoscopes as I wrote about earlier this week). I kept trying to come up with a word for this quality, and yesterday, as I explained this to someone they said "Oh, so you're very impressionable!" And I though, that's it! I'm not sure if this is a quality that I've always had, or developed over time, but there you have it - impressionable! I don't really like this realization, because I've always thought I was a pretty contrary person - you say it's blue, I say green - but maybe I am both? I know that over the past 4 or 5 years I've developed a lot of insecurities and lost some confidence, and I just hope that this impressionable thing hasn't shown up to stay.
3. In terms of friendship, I've realized that there are "Planners" and there are "Acceptors". This came to me while discussing with Janey Canuck about how ridiculous it is that we hadn't seen each other for over 3 months, and some of our other friends even longer! Then I realized that I have been so busy over the past school year with 3 different grades, with a boyfriend, with a super small bachelor apartment that doesn't lend itself to hosting, etc. that I haven't been planning anything! I'm a "Planner" you see. Nobody else is. :-P It can be frustrating, because when you don't see your friends very often you think, gosh, do I have even any? Especially when you are dating someone who has hundreds of them (pros & cons of living where you grew up!), and you are always stuck for finding friends to go out with yourself! I realize I made a big decision moving to Hamilton a few years ago, and maybe I haven't made a huge circle of friends here, but I have made some, and the reality is that as you get older you make friends who have families and can't drop everything at the drop of a hat, like us unmarried, childless ladies can! So I guess if I want things to pick up, I need to put my planning hat back on!! ;)
4. In terms of relationships, I've realized that I have some complicated trust issues (which I knew), but hadn't realized what a long process healing them takes... As I was talking with my intuitive friend who labelled my "impressionability", we discussed trust issues in relationships, and she gave me a great analogy for it. It's all about going from control to commitment. When a relationship starts, it's a power struggle for who has control, who controls that control, and you wade your way through those murky waters as you get to know each other. At some point though, you lessen your hold on that control, and your relationship develops into a commitment. (I'm so glad I had this conversation! CandassP, thank Bev for me!!) Anyways, I know that I am still in the control stage in my relationship, but I think we are approaching the commitment area, which means a lot of give and take right now, and dealing with my trust issues. It isn't pleasant, and it hurts because you need to let go in order to trust, but I am determined to figure them out because I know that what I've found is worth it :)
I'm really looking forward to the summer ahead, and getting into some of my 101 things a little more actively! I am hoping to complete my "Wear dresses every day for a week" very soon. It will definitely include skirts as well if it happens while the school year is still on, because I don't think I own 7 "work" dresses, although I am getting close!
Still plucking away at my 50 Book Pledge, and getting the occasional colouring page in too ;)
Until next time~