Don't You (Forget About Me)

I promise that I haven't forgotten about you!!

I have been living without internet, aside from my blackberry for over a month now. Last week my laptop gave up the ghost, and I haven't felt inspired enough to go and seek out alternate means of blogging.

As of right now, I am blogging from my brand new laptop. I am attempting to get used to the keyboard. It feels very strange!!
I don't have any photos on this laptop yet, so this post isn't going to be very exciting in terms of updates. Actually, it isn't even really going to be focused on my 101 Things list, as seems to be the theme of my more recent posts. I am still working on the challenge, and have been doing as many things as I can, but it hasn't been at the top of my priorities, without the ability to check in on here easily.
One thing I have learned over this summer is that I work best, and accomplish more, when I have a set routine. Living day to day with no real routine has left me feeling rather aimless and unproductive.
Mentally, I think I really needed the first few weeks of that. After my first full year of teaching, and with the personal struggles I went through, I really needed that no-brainer time to mentally detox. The last week or so though, I have been feeling depression setting in again. I think it's mostly hormonal, and I am concerned enough that I am going to get checked out this week.
I've also been living this summer without any real form of payment, my EI claim was just accepted and I am waiting to receive that money. It's not nearly enough to play catch up with though, and I am looking forward to my regular paycheques resuming at the end of the month. I plan to make a concerted effort to set aside enough money so that I hopefully can avoid this situation next summer.
Today I was hit with a $500 legal bill from my home ownership situation that I thought had been dealt with. I am feeling very stressed out about it, and quite surprised. I was under the impression that everything was being taken care of, since I left that house without any claim to anything in it. How many more times do I need to learn from my past mistakes? How often do I need reminders about the idiocy I put myself through?
Whatever funk I am in now, I am anxiously awaiting for it to pass. It feels very reminiscent of how I spent the last several years feeling, and I am in no way interested in heading back down that path. I think that I am in a better position now because I can feel that I shouldn't feel this way, and I know I don't deserve to. I haven't been as diligent in avoiding carbs either, which hasn't helped my moods. I don't overload on them like I did in the past, but I have been cheating more often. Last week I had pasta twice, (which hasn't happened since April!) because I was feeling so down in the dumps. It took some strength, but I passed it by at the grocery store on Friday, and I am going to try to start this week on the right foot.
I'm hoping to have internet hooked up at my new apartment soon, maybe even this week, so that I can get back to using this blog in a more positive and interesting way, rather than my personal drama soap stand that it has become.
Hopefully I haven't caused too many readers to walk away in frustration. I promise that there are many more fun and interesting updates on the way!!
Until next time...

I have a confession to make...

And I don't want you to feel like it's your fault, or that I love you any less, but I feel like I should tell you, just so that you don't keep asking why...
I've been cheating on you with my journal.
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I'm sorry! I know, I know, I promised regular updates, and I fell behind this month. I swear, this won't keep happening! Please believe me!

It all started when I went out West a few weeks ago. I just didn't have the time to log on and write here. So I picked up my trusty journal that I have neglected for the last 6-10 months and started writing. And kept writing. (When was the last time you wrote with paper and pen? It's so much more satisfying than typing sometimes!)
Once I came home I thought, OK, time to blog. But my apartment is so hot. So I started staying at friends' houses, and came home for a few days, and, well, the journal came too.
On the bright side, it's not like I've been writing about 101 Things updates, I've just been writing my own thoughts and ideas and musings that I try to keep off of here for the most part. I want this blog to be of interest to a wide group of people, and at the same time, don't really want to share some of my own personal thoughts with the world at large.
I did start writing up a few explanations of my 101 Things like I said I would in my last post, but only did about 7 or 8. I will start typing those up this Summer & Fall - my goal is the end of October to have that finished. I have high hopes for wanting to sit and type for long periods of time once I am in my nice and cool basement apartment!
Sadly, my laptop has been giving me a hard time since I got home from Calgary. I don't think this heat wave has been its friend - it's been overheating even more than usual. Less than 2 weeks til the new place though!

I have been managing to keep up with most of my regular Things despite the lack of blogging the past 2 weeks. I've spent the majority of my time sitting on patios - in Canmore I sat on two lovely patios in one afternoon, with picturesque views of the mountains and 2 different and yummy drinks :)
My uncle gave my cousin & I free tickets to see Dierks Bentley at Stampede Bar Tent when I was in Calgary. I'm not the biggest country music fan, but it was a great show, he had some beautiful songs, and there was the obligatory Bon Jovi cover song thrown in, which I always love! (Duh...) And I took about a million photos of my adorable and exhausting little cousins :)

I even completed one of my Things while I was out there - Thing 39 - Have some sort of psychic reading done (palm reading). 

Originally I wanted a Tarot card reading, but when I was at Stampede they were charging quite a lot for only a 5 card reading, and that wasn't quite what I was looking for. The palm reading was rather inexpensive for my measly summer budget (aka NO budget), and I was pleasantly surprised with some of the things she said. A few things were pretty lame, and some were just ridiculous, but hey - I enjoyed it :) I made a few notes after it and will share further with you in an upcoming blog post.
Sadly, I must run now - I'm taking my Grandmother to Giant Tiger for a fun and exciting morning! (I'm actually really excited I haven't been to Giant Tiger in ages!)

Stay cool peeps!

Until next time...

Happy July!

Happy July!
I think we all need to celebrate that it is July right now, because really, as Canadians, summer goes by so fast!
As I look outside right now, all I can see it blue sky & sunshine - how lovely! Unfortunately, all I can hear are these damn birds that wake me up every morning! Why am I awake and blogging at 7am? Beats the heck out of me! For some reason, I am unable to relax and sleep in at my own apartment now. Not sure why this happened, but it is stressing me out! I am tired!!
Not that I have any shortage of things to do today. I need to finish packing for Calgary, and I need to tidy up my apartment in case my landlord decides to show my apartment while I am away. I am both happy and sad to report that I will be relocating to a new apartment in August. While I love my place right now, there are some things I don't love, such as the price, the multiple flights of stairs, and the stifling heat year round. My new place is smaller, has much less character, but will be cooler and costs a lot less. As a bonus I can walk to work (as in, I literally have no excuse not to, because it is so close even I could throw a stone and reach the school!).
I'm looking forward to seeing my Calgary family in less than 24 hours!! I am hoping to figure out either one Thing to do off of my list while I am in Calgary, or thinking of something to add that I can achieve while I am there!
I had hoped that Thing 45 - Travel somewhere with only carry-on luggage was going to be achieved, but I realized over the past week that my suitcase is not compatible with that Thing. It weighs too much, and doesn't really have a good packing space. I can barely pack it to go home for 1 night without it filling up! I had hope to find a hard-shelled suitcase to bring, as they use their space much better, but my Mom is leaving for California pretty much right as I return, so that took that idea out of the equation! I looked around a bit for a new suitcase, but it just didn't fit into the budget this month. I'm not too worried - I am definitely not overpacking for my trip, and I still have plenty of time to achieve this goal (and a good excuse for a fun weekend trip somewhere - Vegas anyone??)
One Thing I am hoping to start working on in the next little while is to write up a little explanation and outline of each thing for the blog. Sadly, I can't the blog to work properly on my blackberry - clearly blogger has Android-loyalty, so I will be doing so through my journal. Whatever I manage to write up I will either scan and post when I'm home, or type up in the future. I think this will be a good exercise, because I am forgetting some of the things on my list, and having trouble keeping track of the things I decided I would do monthly/weekly, etc.

A few Things I accomplished in June included: Thing 49 - See 1 live music event a month, Thing 75 - Sit on a patio at least once a week for the months of June, July & August, Thing 99 - Personal & Thing 88 - Walk the Bayfront path 30 times. 
For the live music, I actually made it to 2 events - one was a 90s grunge-era band that was playing at bar in TO for NXNE while I visited Holly & one was my Dad's band - the Blues Daddies - when they played at Bluesfest in Stratford. I went home for the sole purpose of seeing the show, and I wasn't disappointed! 

The Blues Daddies always put on a good show, and I now have a new mission - find a cooler hat for my Dad to wear during their gigs! (My Dad is just thrilled about this goal! haha).

Over the month of June I managed to sit on patios (or backyards) at Holly's, Laura's, Jack Astor's, my Aunt Linda's, Aunt Theresa's & a few other assorted locations that would just take too long to explain! Needless to say, my goal of sitting out and enjoying the weather this summer has been reached so far, and hopefully it continues!! I also managed to get in another jaunt down the Bayfront path with Lyn & Kayla last week - which brings the count to 2/30 times. As for Thing 99, well, wouldn't you like to know? Some things have to be a little mysterious, right?!

~Until next time...

You Can't Have It All?

A few weeks ago I visited my cousin Holly in Toronto, and came across the diagram above that she had hanging on her fridge. I took a picture to save the image, but I don't even think that was necessary, because I haven't been able to get this out of my head since I saw it.
The theory is that you just can't find a man who has all 3 of these qualities going for him: handsome, awesome and single, you can only find a man with 2 of these qualities.
I laughed, thinking how cute, how true, in an offhand manner.
But then I kept thinking about it. And thinking about how true it actually is.
And about how, in the last month, I have met 3 different guys who fall into each of the category combinations.
I met someone who is single and handsome, someone who is single and awesome, and someone who is handsome and awesome.
Crap.
The single and handsome guy I met just isn't awesome. He's younger than me, lives at home, and all of our conversations are painfully awkward. It just isn't going to happen.
The single and awesome guy I met is a lot of fun, but I can't say that I am particularly attracted to him. It doesn't help that his personal life is a bit of a mess right now, and I am definitely avoiding all of the external drama that I can these days!
The handsome and awesome man I met was that type of encounter where you think to yourself "Is every good man taken?" Meeting him was the first time since the Ex that I felt physically and mentally attracted to someone. Sometimes life just isn't fair!
It's times like these where you start to think about settling. At least, the thought crosses your mind. Who wants to be alone or lonely, right? No one does, and I think that is how a lot of us end up in relationships where we are complacent beings, who stay comforted inside our fears and insecurities.
I've had my faith shaken in the world of relationships over time. As I've gotten older, I've started to see the different cracks that can appear in relationships, and I've realized just how much work relationships can be throughout the years. It's becoming clearer to me why people end up divorcing so "easily"*. I think when you try to make a relationship work you have to sacrifice a bit of yourself to do so, and you have to put your own needs aside. When you already do that as a parent, I think that having to do that as a partner is just too demanding of a task. On the other hand, I think we are also very susceptible to the adage "the grass is always greener on the other side". Of course a new relationship isn't going to have the same struggles and hardships and frustrations that an old one does. But it will eventually. Sometimes we decide to live in the moment for all the wrong reasons!
Back to the idea of settling, I want to reiterate that I am just not there yet. I don't want to settle and I don't think that I should feel like I have to. Of course I get scared that I will end up alone, but I am more scared that I will end up where I was: with someone, feeling alone.
It's probably silly to think, after all of the above observations and realizations, that I can actually believe that
"someday my prince will come", but I really and truly do. Maybe I'm a little naive and slightly crazy to feel that way, but, when it comes down to it, you have to have faith, right?
This post comes at the end of a night where, while I had a great time with friends, I felt a little sadness hanging over me. I feel better having written this out, and I hope that my blog readers are OK with the fact that I have been heading into off-topic territory throughout the course of this blog. More 101 Things updates are coming soon, I promise!
~
Until next time...

*Make no mistake, I definitely do not believe that divorce is ever easy. I think it is one of the hardest things you can go through. I read recently that when a child experiences the divorce of their parents, they actually feel the pain as if it were a death in their family (the death of their family, really). I can completely relate to this, as I think this is why my own parents' divorce was so difficult. I hate that I remember that we found out about the divorce on Canada Day. It's hard to believe that this year will be 18 years. :(

Insomnia

I'm one work day away from summer vacation, and I can't get my mind to shut off. Switching my teacher brain from this past year, to next year was a dangerous flip - now all I can think about is lesson planning for the fall. Except that thinking is about all of the energy I can muster for that task. I feel like I am moving in slow motion!
I went for a job interview on Tuesday for a part-time job at a hotel here in the Hammer. It was a great interview, they were very friendly, and I am definitely qualified (if not over-qualified) for the job. I don't know if I will accept the job if offered it though. It doesn't pay very well, and it works on a schedule similar to a factory. Realistically I would work either afternoon shifts of 3-11, or overnight shifts of 11-7. I can't think of a WORSE part-time job schedule than that. The minuscule paycheque just isn't worth going back to working the night shift. That was definitely one of the lower points of my adult life.
On to Plan B for a part-time job. Anybody need their: kids tutored/houses cleaned/babysitting help/car washed/ etc.? Let me know ;)
I'm currently 11 days away from heading to Calgary - I'm so excited to meet the new baby and Melissa's new man!!
I'm starting out Thing #61 - Take a pole dancing class tomorrow night, which I am very excited about. Don't get too excited, as I can't imagine I will ever perform said routines in front of an audience! Ha ha! Here's hoping it is a great work out though!
As for Thing #6, I haven't been on a scale since last Sunday, so I have no idea if I am any closer to reaching my mini-goal of being in the 140s by July. I'm afraid to look!
I completed Thing 80 last week, and have my new Blackberry Bold to prove it! I am in love with it, if not slightly overwhelmed by the CONSTANT connectedness I am feeling. It really is convenient though, and the camera on it is absolutely amazing! It is having some issues with freezing, which are slightly concerning me, so I think I am going to have to call and just make sure I didn't end up with a problem that will only get worse over time.
I have more updates and pictures to share, but I can't let this insomnia go much farther tonight - I need all my focus and energy for my last day of meetings!!


Look forward to more frequent updates now that school is (almost) out for summer!!

Different Perspectives

I feel as if it's been ages since I blogged, even though it's only been a week!
Not too much happening from the list at the moment - although Janey Canuck & Holly have been great coaches for preparing for Thing 45 - Fly with only carry on luggage - I told my Mom about it and she laughed. Rightly so, as I couldn't even go home for 2 nights without filling my entire backseat! I am going to need lots of help and luck to pull this one off (and some good weather -so warm up Calgary!!!)
Tomorrow I will be pulling off (unbelievably) Thing 80 - Upgrade to a smartphone - I can hardly believe it! I will be joining some of you in BlackberryLand! :) I'm SO excited - only about 19 hours left!!! HA!
I've kept up with working on Thing 6 - Reach goal weight - I'm about 27lbs from my goal - last week was tough, and my workouts definitely were less intense. Today's step class was tough, my legs were very tired - but I am going to get back on track this week. I'm hoping to break the 140s by July, so wish me luck!!!
I noticed, once again, just how important diet is again this week - my eating schedule was WAY off track since it was pretty much a mini-vacation week. I feel so much better tonight, after being able to eat better today. I can't wait to get back into my morning smoothie routine tomorrow - it's been almost a week and I've been missing it!!
Over the weekend I was able to hang out with Mrs. Puff & I must say, she is a breath of fresh air! I don't know if we ever have a boring time when we are together! She did say something surprising to me though - that some of my earlier blogs on this site were a little sad. I was surprised, since I had thought that I had been rather positive through this journey so far. I am going to take a look back over the next week to read, and see how I feel then - Let me know your thoughts as well!
I guess, even if the initial posts were sad, I think they are mostly uplifting now. At any rate, I don't feel sad. I actually feel positive and hopeful for the future. And now I must go knock on wood!
I've been having trouble actually remembering some of my Things. I think I need to start carrying a copy of my list around with me!
I have some sad news on the Thing 86 front ( Keep a plant alive for 6 months):

The plant has died. Sigh. I am currently on the search for a hanging plant variety that does NOT need sunlight. My Dad assures me that it exists, and will help me find one soon! On the bright side, I complained at the greenhouse & was refunded in full!


I have been successful with Thing 75 - Sit on a patio at least once a week for the months of June, July & August so far. The weather has been nice (and hot!) enough that I have done this starting even from the end of May. To be clear, this will mostly be done just by sitting on friends' patios - not going out to actual restaurants. It makes me want to find an apartment with a balcony as well. I miss sitting out on the porch and reading. Must do this outdoors somewhere soon!


I also did a little of Thing 52 - Take photos of time spent with friends or family at least once a month while I was home. Check out my adorable Mom & her new kitten Nerd*. 

One last Thing to update you on for today. Two weeks ago I went on another waterfall walk with Janey Canuck & Mrs. Little. We hiked Webster's Falls and Tew's Falls - which crosses 2 more waterfalls off my Top 16 viewing list - 13 left to go! While hiking, we came across the most beautiful conservation area, that I plan to visit again this summer - it felt like Wonderland there! 

Tew's Falls

I think that's all for today. I'll leave you with one final thought, that I might turn into a Thing. 

Clearly, blogging does not encompass that all important quality of review and editing. When I go back to read previous blog entries, I cringe at the spelling, typing and grammar errors I make, since I don't really proofread my entries. I might need to change this though. I'm seriously ashamed!

~

Until next time...

*My family insists that the new kitten's name is Lenny. Clearly, he is actually a Nerd. ;)

Time, where did you go?

Just a quick little update today, because I just don't have the time for more!
The last few weeks have been very busy - the school year is coming to a close, which means report card writing is the weight hanging over my head at the moment, and I have been using whatever spare time I have to get to the gym everyday. I started going in the mornings last week, before work, and I love it! Didn't make it this morning as I'm getting some work done that didn't happen over the weekend (oops!), but hope to keep it up so my progress on Thing 6 - Reach Goal Weight, can continue! :)
I am pretty sure I will have TONS of time to update regularly over the summer, so I'm not too worried.
I have managed to get a few Things started, and worked on, despite being busy!
One big thing I am planning to do is to accomplish Thing 45 - Fly somewhere with only carry on luggage (!), when I go to Calgary this summer. Think I can travel that lightly for 9 days?! (Neither do I at the moment...) Any tips you have for this would be great!
I am also planning for Thing 31 - Wear only dresses for a week & Thing 80 - Upgrade to a smartphone, to happen in the near future.
Expect a longer and more detailed update to follow later this week when report cards are finished.